Undying Pain
by Megatron's Blackfire
Summary: G1. A femme is punished in an unbelievable way. Her crime, she doesn't listen to her leader's rule when it comes to her safety. How will she react?


Ok, here is a oneshot thing…I think.

Undying Pain

I still couldn't believe that he had done it. My leader, my own grandfather, had ripped off my wings, leaving me permanently ground. If that wasn't bad enough, he told the Constructicons not to replace my wings, just weld the wounds shut so I wouldn't bleed to death. Then, that jerk that I am sorry to say that I am related to, went and melted my wings down into slag. He melted them! Not stored them away until after my punishment was over, no he melted them into a puddle of slag!

I wrapped my arms around myself and willed myself not to cry. There was Energon stained on my sides where my wings used to be. The one thing that made it possible for me to fly properly and that idiot Megatron went and ripped them off of me and left me without any way to flee a fight, even if I wanted to! I tilted my head back, trying to use gravity in my favor to keep my tears from spilling out of my optics. This of course was a wasted effort because the tears came anyways, rolling down my face and splashing all over the ground.

I could still see everything that had happened. I had just been standing there in Megatron's throne room, not saying a word, when he spun on me and told me to come here. I was baffled as to what was wrong and walked over to him. He towered over me and his red optics burned into my own.

"I've had enough of you taking off on me, Whitegun! I'm sick of it!" He roared.

I backed up a little so I wouldn't be hit by one of his flying arms as he threw in as much dynamics as he could. This was a bad idea because he grabbed me roughly. Then he grasped one of my wings, clamping down exceptionally hard.

"You are to be punished for what you have done. You are losing your wings." He snarled.

I thought he meant my right to fly around, which wouldn't have gone over to well since I love flying and leaving the war that has torn my family to shred far behind me. I lost my parents to this war, a fluke on my father's part. He didn't expect that the Autobots of all Transformers to go back on their word and use their guns on us. We fought with swords and the likes back then, unlike now when we use guns and all the high powered weapons. So my father overlooked that one little detail during the battle planning, my dad was a tactician and now he has paid the price. He had been teaching me how to fly since I was small and my wings had started to come in and after he died, Starscream and Skywarp had helped me advance past basics.

I didn't expect him to rip my wings off, but he did. He pulled me into a headlock and tore my wing clean off of my back. I screamed of course, I mean it was like having your arms or leg being ripped off. Then he switched hands and ripped my other wing off. Then he shoved me away from him as Energon began to flow out of my open wounds. I lay in a growing pool of my own Energon and withered in pain. I had never felt pain like this before, Megatron and my father had never allowed it.

"Hook, fix up her sides. But don't give her any wings, just weld her sides shut. When I have decided that she has been punished enough, you can give her back her wings." Megatron had ordered.

I felt the Constructicons quickly set to work fixing my sides. I was lifted into a sitting position as it was finished. I turned to glare at Megatron and froze. He had both of my wings, those beautiful brown wings that belonged attached to my back, in his hands. He threw them at his feet and shot at them with his fusion cannon. I felt my body go numb for a minute as I saw that my wings were now nothing but a pool of brown slag. I was on my feet in a second, ignoring the protests of the Constructicons. I glared at Megatron and turned and fled the throne room.

I had raced all the way back to my quarters because I knew that would throw them off. I pushed a small section of the ceiling aside and climbed out of my homemade skylight. I then climbed down the side of the base and took off running again. I quickly changed directions because I knew that Soundwave would have known that I was first going to go this way. So instead I turned left, heading away from my usual spot where I went to sulk or think or cry. I had run for a very long time, staying in Decepticon territory of course because I wasn't that stupid, until I had collapsed against a building.

So there I was, crying against my better judgment against a run down building. Could you blame me? I was so hurt by what Megatron had done. I mean come on; I was still an adolescent so of course I was going to see how far I could push my limits! I ran my hands along the sides of my back where my wings used to be and felt tears fall harder down my face. I started singing gently to myself.

_I may have mad it rain;_

_Please forgive me._

_For my weakness caused you pain._

I sniffled as I struggled to contain all my pain and sadness.

_And ever time I try to fly I fall;_

_Without my wings I feel so small._

I felt myself begin to fall into recharge and happily allowed it to overcome me. If I was lucky, the Autobots would find me while I was sleeping and end my useless existence. I smiled at this thought, half wishing that a certain mess up Autobot scientist would do the honors. Wheeljack was really, in the most strangest of ways possible, attractive and I wanted him to kill me. Forget Prime, if he touched me I'd kick his aft out of the known galaxy for it. Bumblebee was too cute to even think about hurting (I left that job to the others), and Jazz was too old…and why was I comparing on how hot the Autobots were? I almost burst out laughing, as I reached into my subspace and rubbed my hand across the velvety surface of a small toy.

It was all that was left of my brothers. They were still alive, but with the Autobots. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, those two little mischief makers were my little brothers. They would deny it of course, that's how they were brought up. They weren't old enough to really remember our parents when they were taken away from me.

It was at the same battle that my parents had died in, along with many of my friend's mothers. I had watched a mech shot my father as he killed the one that had killed his mother. I felt this hatred wash over me and I charged into the battle, plunging my sword into the mechs spark from behind. I wasn't supposed to be there, I was still just a kid, but I was there and I killed a few others that day. When it was over the Autobots had won and they took a lot of hostages back to be trained as Autobots. Most were of Autobot heritage anyway so there was nothing we could do. I was watching my adopted brother be dragged away, the whole time he was fighting to get back to me and my little brothers. Then someone hit me hard over the head and I blacked out. When I came to a few minutes later, I saw a large mech dragging Sideswipe and Sunstreaker away. I screamed and chased after them, but the mech took to the sky, making it impossible for me to continue after them. I saw Sunstreaker's toy lying on the ground and picked it up. I began to cry so very hard as I held the small yellow toy to my chest. Yellow had always been his favourite colour and it was all that I had left to remember him. Megatron was just as traumatized over the loss of his grandsons but he hid it well, until his other son was killed. Then it was just Megatron, my little cousin Browngun and I left.

I fell deep into recharge as I ran my hand over the soft velvet. I felt at peace for once, knowing that I was close to my brothers this way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I awoke to many loud voices. They were screaming and fighting about something. I tried not to groan out of disgust. Starscream and Megatron were at it once again.

"She is a seeker Megatron! You have cut her off from the sky!" Starscream screamed.

"She is being punished." Megatron snarled.

I looked up carefully and saw that Megatron had his back to me. Starscream glanced at me and made a very subtle signal for me to get up and leave. I nodded quickly and stood up slowly so I didn't make a sound. Starscream continued to yell at Megatron, inconspicuously making him turn away from the direction I was heading to leave the room. I slipped out the door quickly and headed to my quarters.

I entered my room and walked over to my bed. Sitting near the headboard was a small toy that had been mine since I was a baby. I walked over and picked it up, stroking the velvety material that made up the toy. It was shaped like a horse, which was my favourite animal, along with my little brothers. The horse was brown and white, much like my own body. I hugged it close to my chest, murmuring an undecipherable melody as I rocked back and forth. I always believed that my dad and mom were connected to it somehow.

"Must you always sing to that thing?" Megatron's voice snarled from the doorway.

I glared at him. I didn't care that everyone thinks that I'm a huge baby because I still loved my childhood toy. They had always laughed at me, until I kicked every one of their useless afts.

"You of all people would understand what it means to lose something." I snapped back.

Megatron strolled over to me, closing the door behind him. "You of all people should know better than to talk back." He stated.

"Yah, you turn on people who are loyal to you." I spat. I hugged my toy closer to me, trying to pull some sort of comfort out of it. I wasn't scared of Megatron, I just wanted to feel better over the fact that Megatron, the one bot that I had always looked up to, had turned on me over something as simple as walking around the outside of the base at night because I couldn't get to sleep.

Megatron's optics narrowed. He reached his hands out towards me and I slammed my optics shut so I wouldn't see him pull his fist back to strike me. Even I didn't always get away with mouthing off to him. I felt him place his hands on me and lift me into the air. I clutched my toy hard to my chest, until I felt myself being pulled into a hug. I opened my optics and blinked as I stared into Megatron's chest.

"Whitegun, I didn't mean to hurt you this badly. I thought that if I took away your ability to fly you might listen a little more to my rules. I don't want to lose you like everyone else close to me." Megatron stated.

My feet were a little ways off the ground because I was shorter than Megatron. I rubbed my head against Megatron's chest, wanting him to feel better. He didn't show guilt openly to others but I knew the tell-tale signs of guilt. He always got a little more violent.

"You saw the twins again, didn't you?" I asked. They had gone out earlier that day to attack the Autobots.

"Yes. Prime was showing them how to shoot when we arrived. I felt as if my spark was being wrenched out as Prime ordered Jazz to take them to safety." Megatron sighed.

"I wish I could see those two again. I really miss them. Hotshot too." I replied sadly.

Megatron placed me back on the ground and lifted my head up to look into his optics. There was a very faint hint of pain in them, something that he never showed anyone other than me. I placed my toy on my bed and hugged Megatron. We both stood there, pulling comfort from each others embrace. We both missed our missing family members and we knew what they other understood the other's pain. It would never die and it would forever be there.

I wished that we could win this idiotic war so that I could at least convince everyone else to leave Hotshot, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, and for Browngun's sake, Ironhide (he had been her adopted little brother before my parents and her mother were killed). I wanted so very much to see my father and mother again, even though I knew it was impossible. But as strange as it was, Skywarp acted like a father to me, keeping me out of trouble the best he could and Starscream protected Browngun like a father, which was lucky because unlike me, Browngun was easily terrified. I hugged Megatron harder as I began to drift into recharge. I heard Megatron chuckle as he lifted me up and placed me on my recharge bed.

"Sleep well, Whitegun. Who knows, when you wake up, we may have won this war." He whispered.

_**Author's Note:**_ There gone. Don't comment on how crappy her name is. I have no creative ideas right now. This is a G1 fanfic, so tell me what you think. I realize that the last part is _way_ out of character for Megatron and Starscream for that matter but hey, what the heck. Review and tell me what you think. Oh and the song is a little snipit from "Everything" By Britany Spears. Thought that one part really suits her situation.


End file.
